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I returned home three months later and within 12 hours of my plane landing on U.S. soil, I received what felt like 1,000 messages asking me if I had started job hunting. I hadn’t and I didn’t plan to. I decided that I would get a temporary job over the holidays and save up more money to go back to Europe. Three months wasn’t enough, I was JUST getting to the point where I was getting comfortable with self-exploration and discovery.

I saved up enough money to spend another six weeks in Europe. Again, I allowed myself to embark on an intellectual and spiritual journey of self-reflection and creativity. This time, I was accompanied by my friend Sam (now, Director of Strategic Planning for co-mads). We shared our vulnerabilities surrounding our thoughts of what it meant to live a fulfilled and happy life, we listened and challenged one another’s ideas and viewpoints surrounding social justice issues, entrepreneurship, etc. I tended to ramble on about my thoughts on millennials and the imperative role we play in solving social problems. I reflected on my volunteer and professional experiences with various nonprofits, and in which areas I saw these organizations lacking. I harped on how nonprofits and social enterprises are missing out on opportunities to engage young people (outside of college age) in meaningful and impactful ways. I expressed my frustrations on the lack of organized groups, events, campaigns, etc. to target the skills and passion of the millennial demographic to assist in solving serious issues that were facing the U.S. and the world at whole.

Throughout my time in Europe, I met many Americans. Our discussions revolved around our travel aspirations, concerns about social justice issues back in the states, and professional ventures and goals. A theme became evident…I was right in that millennials want to immerse themselves in the various cultures of our country and use their skillsets to assist communities in need, but they felt there weren’t many interesting, well-rounded opportunities to do so once they graduated college. At a bar in Brussels, Belgium, the idea of co-mads was born. In a single moment, the idea hit me and it made complete sense. I had been on this mission to find what my idea of a fulfilled life looked like, to learn more about myself as a woman and a professional; all of the ideas from the last months and my boiling passions came together and formed the business and mission of ‘co-mads’. I decided that when I returned to the states, I would take the risk of not finding a steady or stable job, but rather put all of my resources, time, money, and energy into starting a business…a business I knew could change the lives of everyone who became involved. I am so glad I took the leap. I have met incredible people, have made extremely valuable connections, I have inspired others to give back to the communities they are a part of, and have taken strides I never thought would have been possible a few years ago. 99% of those I met told me that quitting my job was a mistake, that traveling solo in Europe was dangerous, that I should play it safe and just stick to focusing on getting into grad school.

But here I am…living this life I dreamt of when I was chained to that desk, when I was limiting my abilities and talents to perform whatever tasks and assignments my company had assigned to me…doing things I couldn’t have cared less about, for a purpose I couldn’t have cared less about. This is what being fulfilled is about…it’s about finding what fuels the fire inside of you and what brings out the best in you. A lot of risk is associated with living the life you truly want to live. You have to be willing to accept that risk and realize that if you do things for the right reasons, do the right thing for people around you, and stay true to who you are, the risk is going to reap a reward.

I feel drawn to the unknown. I feel drawn to risk. I feel drawn to uncertain possibility. It is something to which many people cannot relate. Most prefer to live in a predictable, comfortable manner. Human nature? Perhaps. In my 9-5 desk job, I was confined to a five-foot desk, two computer screens, and it felt like there was a sick experiment being conducted on my brain, the work and assignments only allowing about 0.5% of my creativity to do a job to benefit someone else’s goals. 40 hours a week of my life, gone…2,080 hours a year of my life, gone. 87 days a year of my life, gone. So, I quit…

Sometimes my mom thinks I have some type of chemical imbalance in my brain that prevents me from feeling fear or worry when I should. She’s probably right. I had quit a well-paying job with incomparable benefits and job security at a successful and thriving company. It was one of those places that sets you up for enormous success in the future. My family was concerned, rightly so I suppose. They visualized dollar signs and a nice suburban home and I visualized breaking the chains that would release my body and my brain from that desk chair and computer screen.

I packed enough clothing for a five-day span into a backpack and hopped on a plane to Madrid, Spain. This was my plan. I would spend three months backpacking Europe. It sounds like a cliché, that I was on my way to “find myself” or something like that. I wasn’t. I would consider it more of an emergency escape plan and it was my last sane option before I publicly lost my mind in a professional corporate setting.

So, I escaped. I spent time in about 11 different countries. I explored every second I was awake. I spent a lot of time thinking. I spent ample time writing and talking into a recorder as to not miss a single thought. I became creative in ways I didn’t think were possible. I allowed myself to be inspired by small details; details I wouldn’t have had the time or energy to even consider when I was enslaved to my desk and Keurig coffee. I immersed myself into this creative space more each day, with each new cultural experience, and I became impressed with my ability to come up with innovative solutions to problems, to develop intricate ideas surrounding my passions and my purpose for being. I recognized new strengths and weaknesses. I had many sleepless nights, it was taking my brain a long time to adjust to the constant creativity. A lot of my most creative thoughts leaked out at 3am. I brought a notebook and pen to bed each night, as to not disturb my fellow hostel mates in the middle of the night by jumping out of the top bunk to grab them. I couldn’t turn my brain off. It was like a dog that had been caged for years, only to be let free into an endless field.

One thing that became overwhelmingly clear to me was that I embody the opposite of the natural human state as was aforementioned in the first few sentences in this post; I want, or I guess my mind has programmed me, to live the opposite of a life that is predictable and comfortable. You may be able to relate. If you’re unable to relate, I simply want to open your eyes to the possibility of living a life contrary to this human nature I speak of. Read next week’s stream of consciousness as I explore more of the ‘why’ behind co-mads.